The Chronicles of Lily and James
by sumrandomperson
Summary: Sirius and Remus start a book about Lily and James' relationship. What there is of it anyway. They record all the details, getting themselves in awkward, to say the least, situations, trying to get the dirt.
1. Introduction and hot guys

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter

**The Chronicles of Lily and James

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**

**Chapter 1 – Introduction…and the hot guys**

**Why hello there. My name is Sirius Black. Good at everything I do, most popular person in school, and sex god extraordinaire. And I have to stress that last point. I mean, really. SO good. Like, seriously, if you're looking for a good night, come see me. You'll be weak in the knees. I'm not even kidding –**

_Let me interrupt here before he gets into, erm, nasty details. I'm Remus Lupin and I've gotta say, he may sound great –_

**Aww, thank you moony pie!**

_- but really, he's nothing. Now, I can't say I'm the best looking guy in school - _

**Yeah, because that's me.**

_- but I do good for myself. Yesterday I had a date with Cindy Jawkins._

**Who?**

_That blonde girl in Ravenclaw? Sixth year._

**Oh, whoa man. She's hot!**

_Yeah, so anyway, as I was saying I do good, I get girlfriends, blah blah blah. But that's not really what we're here to talk about._

**(V****ery loud and overly dramatic gasp) I just had the greatest idea! We should make a whole book just about how awesome and hot we are!**

_We?_

**All right, me.**

_Yeah, I'll, uh, think about it. Anyway Sirius and I are here to talk about our best friend, James Potter. _

**Who is completely in love with a girl named Lily Evans. Or Lily Flower as he calls her.**

_Mhmm. Well, more precisely, we're here to talk about James' and Lily's relationship._

**Or lack thereof.**

_Yeah. Well, he's been trying to get her for three years now. And as his best friends, we totally believe in him and think he's gonna get her…all right, what's the point? The only way she'll ever go out with him is if hell freezes over._

**Which I think she actually said last week!**

_So, let's start there, shall we?_


	2. Tomato face

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter

**The Chronicles of Lily and James**

**Okey doke, glad you guys liked it! Here's how I'm going to write it now. Sometimes it'll be Sirius' point of view and sometimes Remus' but you'll always be able to figure out whose it is. It'll always be normal font instead of italics (Remus) and bold (Sirius) unless it's Remus and Sirius together, like the first chapter. Also, it might be in bold or italics if Sirius or Remus are making little side comments that aren't part of their story. You'll see what I mean. Enjoy!

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**

**Chapter 2- Tomato face**

"Yeah, I'll go out with you. When hell freezes over!" Lily Evans stood across the lawn from James Potter, glaring at him.

"But my dear Lily Flower. That is so much easier said than done!" he exclaimed.

"I'm aware," she said icily.

"Oh, come on, you've got to give me a chance! Why won't you?"

"Do you really want to go over this AGAIN?"

"Well –"

"Don't even answer that, Potter." Lily stalked off, furious.

"Don't get too upset, Evans!" James called. "We don't want your face turning that same lovely shade of red as your hair!" She whipped around.

"_What?"_ she hissed. James grinned and pulled out his wand. "Potter, don't you dare!" But too late. Her face now looked like a tomato. Literally. "You are so gonna pay, Potter!" With a loud shout of frustration she turned back around and stomped away.

Next to James, Remus and I started laughing like mad as I turned to write in The Book. James, completely unfazed by what just happened, shrugged.

"I'll get her next time," he said and turned back to us. We were all lying on the lawn, enjoying the unusually warm September day. "What is that, Padfoot? You've been bringing it around everywhere lately."

I closed the book quickly.

"Uhh…it's….uhh…."

"It's his diary," interrupted Remus **(who is the biggest loser on earth)**, smirking.

"Ooh, a diary. Manly," said a girl's voice from behind us. We all turned to look and saw my girlfriend, Jen, approaching us.

"It's _not_ a diary," I muttered and got up to greet her. She had long blonde/brown hair and green eyes. **SO hot.**

"Sure it isn't, Padfoot," grinned James and moved his gaze onto the lake.

"It's not!"

"Sirius, let it go," said Jen, obviously trying to hide her smile.

"Fine." She laughed and gave me a kiss. A reeeeally good one. So I kissed her back. And soon she tugged on my sleeve and whispered,

"Come on, let's go to the Room of Requirements." I nodded and turned to my friends.

"Well, laddies I must be off. Unlike yourselves, I'm about to have a great shag. Tally ho." I tossed The Book to Remus and let Jen lead me away.

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**I think the chapters are gonna be pretty short in this story. Maybe not this short though. And I know this chapter kind of sucked, but I'm so uninspired right now. So I'm really sorry for that but I promise to make the next chapter better.**


	3. Hogsmeade and the hospital wing

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter

**The Chronicles of Lily and James**

**I'm a horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible person! I haven't updated since who knows when and now probably nobody will want to read when I do update. I have 4 days off from school (actually 2 weeks but I went to Paris for a while woot woot) and I'm going to spend my time updating and writing, writing and updating so that I at least update every story once. I'm soooo sorry please do still read my stuff!**

Chapter 3- Hogsmeade and a trip to the hospital wing

The next day was a Hogsmeade day. Peter (who I guess we haven't mentioned yet) was our other best friend. To give you a short summary of our lives at Hogwarts, James, Sirius, Peter, and I were known as the Marauders, prankers extraordinaires. We pranked everyone, went out with every girl (James and Sirius definitely held the more reputations of being players though), and had the most detentions.

Anyway, that day was horribly cold. Especially compared to the day before. After breakfast, we found our cloaks, and went outside to the carriages. Some students were in line to sign out with Filch, others were clambering inside the best carriage they could find, and others were standing around talking to their friends until they had to leave. We quickly cleared our names with Filch and ran to the nearest carriage, one of the last ones left.

Sirius and Peter climbed in immediately (both intolerant of the cold) but as I was going in after them I noticed James walk up to the front. He gently began stroking the air. I looked at him for a second before getting inside and a minute later he joined us.

James had told me about the Thestrals once. He had seen his favorite cousin die in a battle with a Death Eater, during one of his first missions as an auror. The Thestrals symbolized a kind of peace for James, a way to remember his cousin and a way to calm himself down. He often went to visit them in the Forest, late at night.

As the carriages lurched to a start a bright lightning bolt flashed through the sky, fallowed momentarily by a gigantic thunderclap. A second later, the rain started leaking from the sky. We tumbled down the little incline, the carriages' wheels magically missing the potholes. Well, except for one certain carriage.

Malfoy and his gang of Slytherins emerged from their carriage moaning and rubbing their heads.

We grinned.

"Bumpy ride, Malfoy?" called James. Malfoy glared at him and stalked away.

"Priceless," snickered Sirius and we walked down the path to Hogsmeade. The Three Broomsticks was, as always, our first destination. We entered the pub and sat down at our usual table. Without even asking, Madam Rosmerta brought over four cups of butterbeer. We paid her and sipped the drinks happily.

"Hey, do you think Lily will ever-" James started.

"James," Sirius interrupted. "We're not going to spend this day talking about Evans." James sighed and nodded. Two minutes later, Sirius added, "And no, I don't think she'll ever give you a chance." James grinned and punched him playfully.

The bells at the door of the Three Broomsticks jingled merrily as someone came in. We heard a groan and then resistant foot steps coming over to our table.

"Mind if we sit here? Everything else is full," grumbled an unhappy voice. A female voice. A Lily voice.

James perked up and stared at her.

"Are you sure you want to take that risk, Evans?" laughed a Hufflepuff seventh year from the other table, grinning at James. James smirked back at him. Chris, the Hufflepuff, had been our friend for a long time.

"Yeah, you sure, Evans? There's a price," James said. Lily narrowed her eyes.

"Which is?" Although she knew perfectly well.

"A date with me."

"Screw you, Potter."

"Will you?"

"No! Just slide over and make room for us." James did as he was told and Lily and her friend Misty sat down. Misty had chopped blonde hair and blue eyes. With a perfect figure she was one of the beauties of Hogwarts – some even argued that the only girl who was prettier (so barely it was almost unnoticeable) was Lily.

"Oi, Madam Rosmerta! Two more butterbeers!" called James.

"The world 'please' is in the English language you know," said Lily angrily. James ignored her. When Rosmerta brought over the drinks he slipped her a couple of extra sickles. She beamed and walked away happily. Lily rolled her eyes in disgust _(not an unusual thing to see when she's around James)_ and took her butterbeer.

"So, how're things going with you guys?" asked Misty. I – _hey, Sirius, what are you doing?_

**Sirius POV**

**Good God, Remus, I just want to write in the book a little bit. Stop glaring at me, everyone's staring at us!**

**Well, Remus doesn't look to happy. He was just in the middle of writing something…ok, here we go.**

"So, how're things going with you guys?" asked Misty. Remus, **(stupid sod that he is)**, blushed at her and smiled idiotically. He took a long swig of his butterbeer and, when he took the cup down from his face, spilled everything in his mouth down the front of his shirt. **Wow, make it more obvious you're completely in love with her, why don't you?**

Anyway, at that point I thought it'd be appropriate to take The Book from Remus before he got the pages all wet with drool and butterbeer. Apparently Remus thought **(wrongly)** that it would be appropriate to mention something to the rest of the group.

"Aw, look at that, Sirius just can't live without his diary," he cooed. I glared at him and shut the book quickly.

But not for long since there was some James/Lily action that I needed to record. While Remus, Misty, and I were talking I noticed James nudge Lily. She sighed and, for some reason, allowed him to take her into the corner of the pub. Unnoticed by anyone, I slipped into the booth nearest them and looked over the top.

"Lily I –" James faltered and gave a short laugh. "I don't even know how to say this."

Lily narrowed her eyes slightly.

"Go on."

"Right. Um, I, uh, I just wanted to, uh, say that I, um, heh, I –"

"Just say it, Potter!" James' eyes widened.

"Oh. Right, um, never mind." He walked away back to our booth. "Hey, where'd Sirius go?"

"Probably to the bathroom to be alone with his diary, I expect," laughed Remus. Great, now I had to get back. I was about to make it look like I had come from the bar when I noticed Lily was still standing where James had left her. She had a…I don't even know how to describe it; her expression looked like she had lost all hope. Remus and I knew she had had a crush on James earlier on, which was part of the reason we were inspired to write this. But could she still have those feelings? This was about to get interesting…

* * *

We got back to Hogwarts right at dinner time. No one was really hungry but James, Remus, Peter, and I managed to eat a little bit anyway. And I mean a little bit. I only had five chicken wings, three plates of mashed potatoes, and two pieces of carrot cake. But don't you worry about me, I'm perfectly all right, not sick at all. Just stuffed from Hogsmeade.

Anywho, after dinner us Marauders found ourselves walking back to the Gryffindor Tower with Lily and Misty. On the way up the stairs Lily tripped and fell down the steps. James rushed after her and stopped her halfway down. Still, it looked like she had a broken arm.

"I'll take you to the hospital wing," James said. She winced in pain and let him lead her away. I then decided I would hand The Book over to Remus for the rest of the evening, since he is better at being quiet than I am.

**Remus' POV**

I quickly ran towards the hospital wing until I caught site of Lily and James. They were walking silently which made it harder for me not to be heard. The two didn't speak for the whole walk to the hospital wing or while Madam Pomfrey was fixing Lily's arm.

"You can go," she said after about ten minutes.

"Thank you," Lily said.

"Of course, dear." Madam Pomfrey bustled off and left James and Lily alone with me looking through the crack on the side of the door, where the hinges are.

Lily sat on the bed for a moment, while James waited, standing up, next to her, for her to make a sign that she wanted to leave. Finally, Lily spoke.

"Thank you for helping me," she said quietly.

"No problem. You would have done the same – oh wait, no you wouldn't have," James said jokingly. Lily let out a small laugh. They were quiet again for a minute or two.

"You know what, James?"

"James? No Potter, tonight?"

"Guess not."

"Interesting. Anyway, what?"

"You've acted tonight how you used to act. When we first met."

"Really? How's that?" James asked, sitting down next to her.

"You're – you're not arrogant and self centered and mean and –"

"Is this 'list all the things you hate about James' hour or something?" Lily grinned.

"Sorry," she said.

"It's perfectly understandable. Keep going."

"Right. Well you're _not_ all those things right now. You're being nice and sweet and caring. Funny even. I guess I just wanted to tell you that." Again, silence for a minute.

"Thank you for that, Lily," James said so quietly, I could barely hear him. After five more minutes of silence, with unspoken consent, they both got up and made for the door. I turned and quickly ran to Gryffindor Tower. When I got to the common room, there was nobody there. I hid behind an armchair, waiting for Lily and James to get there.

They did, two minutes later. James immediately sat down and started staring into the fire. Lily went to the girls' staircase. Before climbing up, she paused.

"You shouldn't change who you really are for an image, James. If you're only happy because of that image you change yourself for, you're not really happy at all." She left him there, to think over what she said. I sat for another minute also, trying to find a hidden meaning in her words. Finally I silently tiptoed up the stairs to the boys' dormitory and went to bed. It took two hours until James finally came up. For the whole time until I fell asleep, I could hear him stirring and rustling in his bed. I couldn't see him, but I knew his eyes were wide open and he was biting his lip, like he always did when he was lost.


	4. Detention

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter

**Mr. Padfoot would like to interrupt Ms. Moony's furious Charms note-taking to inform him that he is a huge git.**

_Mr.__ Moony would like to inquire as to why he is, supposedly, a huge git._

**Mr. So-called **_**co**_**author of The Book, didn't even tell Mr. Padfoot about what happened last night!**

_Mr. Moony would like to point out that you read about it, didn't you?_

**You still should have told me, buddy. This is never going to work if we don't trust each other!**

…_What?_

**Sorry, did that not work? That's just what I tend to say when a girl is mad at me. Usually after she accuses me of cheating.**

_And it works?_

**Well, if the make up sex is any indication then, yeah, I'd say it does.**

**Moony? **

**Hello?**

**Moony!**

(Two minutes later)

**Next time you could warn me that there was a teacher watching me, you know. How am I supposed to watch those two while I'm in detention?**

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Never fear, never fear, since I am so bloody brilliant and good-looking, I figured out a way to watch our favorite non-couple from the trophy room that night. I got them detention too.

On our way back from Charms that afternoon, I tripped (by accident of course) and fell, pulling the strategically placed Ms. Evans down with me. She was lying on top of me and, therefore, began cursing at me immediately. All it took after that was for me to shout "EVANS! DON'T TOUCH ME THERE!" while McGonagall was walking by and I had a detention partner!

It was pretty easy to get Jamesie in there too. During Transfiguration I stole McGonagall's glasses and slid them in his bag.

"Professor," I said quietly to her after class. "I feel really bad about this," (I put on my best regretful face), "But I couldn't keep lying to you like this." My friends were watching from the doorway.

"Oh, really, Mr. Black? And what is it that you are lying to me about?"

I turned and dramatically pointed a finger at James.

"James stole your glasses! They're in his bag, look!"

James' face contorted in surprise.

"What? Professor, I didn't steal you –" he began. But, at that moment, McGonagall had Summoned her glasses and they flew out of James' bag, straight into her hand.

"Detention, Potter," she said, her lips pursed and disappeared into her office.

Which is how, three hours later, I found myself in the trophy room, my wand taken by Filch, with Evans and James.

"I _can't_ believe you landed me in detention, Black!" Evans snarled at me. That's right, snarled!

James gave me a disbelieving look.

Deny, deny, deny.

"I don't know _what_ you're talking about, Evans," I said. "It's not my fault you wanted to grope me in the hallway. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'd be happy to do that another time. Even in the hallway, if you insist. But in front of McGonagall? That's just distasteful."

Evans widened her eyes at me and made an indignant noise. She then turned back to the trophy she was polishing.

"What's this about hallway groping?" James wanted to know.

"Nothing!" said Evans furiously. "Black's being stupid."

I turned, smirking, back to the trophy I was supposedly scrubbing, but really writing in The Book behind.

Three hours later and nothing had happened. Nothing! I was still on my first trophy since I had begun doodling on my arms. Then, however, I ran out of space and decided to finally get to cleaning. After, of course, I showed James the naughty picture of him and Evans I had drawn. He told me to sod off.

"Finally," James said, throwing down his rag another hour later, "I'm done! Do you want some help, Lily?"

"Sure," she grumbled at him. I peered over at them. They were standing side-by-side, cleaning the trophies. Occasionally their elbows touched and I sometimes noticed Evans blush and pull her arm away.

Observing these things took time so, when they were done, I hadn't finished my second trophy yet.

"Hey, guys!" I called as they began leaving. "Can you help me finish my trophies?" I couldn't let them have an undocumented walk in the corridors together!

"You're kidding, right?" Evans said to me.

"You're the one who got us both detention, Sirius," James added. "Why would we help you with yours?"

They turned around and began leaving.

"Prongs! Prongsy, no!" I shouted. But they were gone. Well, that's when the art of thievery comes in. I pulled out the Invisibility Cloak I had taken from James' trunk and put it on. Artfully sneaking my wand out of Filch's pocket, I cleaned all the trophies with magic. Then, I set off after James and Evans.

* * *

"We seem to be walking down the hall together a lot lately, don't we?" Lily was saying when I caught up. 

"Yeah," James said.

And that was it. The entire walk back to Gryffindor Tower, that was all they said. Until they got back to the common room.

"Hey, Evans," James called as she was going upstairs.

"What?"

"Hogsmeade, next weekend?"

"What about it," she asked, narrowing her eyes.

"Let's go together."

Ms. Evans said some very inappropriate words, that I am choosing not to repeat here, and went up to bed.


End file.
